My muscles hate me.
Just an update on my muscles and why they hate me. Well, I don’t actually know why they hate me, but they definitely do.
Not only am I having that delightful slight burning in my lower right abdomen near my groin/inguinal ligament, I am having a burning pain in the front of the pubic bone. Also sometimes if I bend over I have a pain above the pubic bone, around the region of the lower abdominals.
I’m unsure if I’ve just overdone it so much that this is the result. I don’t know if it’s compensation. I don’t know if it’s referral pain or tendonitis. I don’t know if it’s hernia(s).
I keep hearing that I’m early on in the game and you can take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I don’t like that. Especially when in a month I’m going to be expected to work 12 hours shifts, on my feet the majority of those 12 hours. I’m extremely nervous about it. Granted, I will only be working 2 days a week to begin with, (my flex position allows that.)
I’m hoping that this is just a season and this pain will pass along with the others. I am seriously SO discouraged though. This journey has been rough. From being inactive physically for almost 2 years, to the pain (physical and emotional), and just not being myself.
I can’t help but be bitter and feel sorry for myself. I’ve actually gotten quite good at both of those things. People keep saying positive things to me, which I think is great and I understand it comes from a good place, but I just can’t see it. I feel like there isn’t going to be an end to it. I’ve come to almost expect the worst in all situations.
I’m just so damn sick of feeling like a 90 year old. Actually, there are probably 90 year olds getting along better than I am. They are probably the ones I saw pass me during races.
I’ll try to keep the pity party to a minimum, I don’t really like inviting people to it, but sometimes I like a little company. Someone has to eat the cupcakes, right?