Goals

This past year has been a rough one to say the least.  I never even think about my hip anymore, it’s like it was never hurt.  I am so glad I had the surgery to fix it, and do not regret it one bit.

I was talking to my Feldenkrais instructor about my goals and what I wanted to do once my ankle heals.  The only thing that physically hurt me when I started running again were my feet going numb, which is due to my extremely tight calves.  Other than that, running was going great.  Cardiovascular-wise I was holding in there, doing longer bouts of running, doing hills, and sprints.

I never really thought that I would want to do a marathon.  I am happy with doing half marathons.  Heck, I would be happy to do a 5k right now, but I’m thinking about in the future.

My feldenkrais instructor overcame a huge disability, doctors saying she wouldn’t walk and now she runs ultra marathons, and places in them.  If that isn’t motivation enough that you can do anything you set your mind to, I don’t know what is!

In the near future after my ankle heals and I’m cleared to workout besides doing upper body and core, I want to get back to running (obviously).  I have a couple of personal training sessions at the gym I still need to do, and I would like to get back to my yoga, cycling, and weight lifting.

In the distant future, I want to set my body up and be well prepared to start running half marathons again.  I want to eventually do at least ONE marathon after tackling a few half marathons.

People don’t understand me, at least the people who aren’t runners or want to be active.  I somewhat get it, I mean someone actually wants to sweat and run when nobody is chasing them?  I look forward to the day when I can get up at 6:00am on a Saturday or Sunday morning and run with my fellow Landrunners or run at 6:00pm on a Thursday night in the hot & humid weather of Oklahoma with the Red Coyote people.  I had started doing that, along with running Tuesday evenings at the OKC River with some awesome running folk.

For about 3 days after I broke my ankle, I was wallowing in my sadness.  I just couldn’t understand why these things kept happening, why couldn’t it happen to someone who hates working out?  I was bitter (again).  I decided to look at things in a different way.  Things can always, ALWAYS be worse. This is just another hurdle in life that I have to jump over, and hopefully not break anything else while doing so.

Look to the future.  Have a plan.  Work It Out.

I can move beyond this and get stronger.  I will.

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I’m Running! Sort of…

It’s been harder for me to update lately since life has been so busy.  I know, I say it all the time.

 

I still haven’t found a house.  There have been a couple of offers put in, but nothing.  I’m hoping there will be some good ones come up in the area I want soon.

 

I have actually tried running and it hasn’t gone badly.  I’m really surprised, although I’ve been taking it super slow and safe.  I’m doing the couch to 5k, but in a very slow fashion.  My operated hip has been doing wonderful,  I don’t notice it.  The other one has been giving me trouble intermittently, but I believe that Feldenkrais has helped me immensely.  I quit MAT a few weeks ago.  It was getting expensive and I felt I was getting more benefits from Feldenkrais.

 

Even though life has been so hectic, I am so happy I have been able to workout and begin running.  I feel like my old self again.  For the past 2 years or longer since my injury and through my surgery, it has been depressing.  Some of it was contributed to relationships I chose to have in my life, a lot of it was due to me being nice and trying not to hurt feelings.  Sometimes you don’t realize you’re miserable, until you’re not anymore.

I’m ready to get back into running 100% and hopefully not have to have surgery on my other hip.  September 2014 will be 1 year since my surgery, and I have come SO far, it’s amazing.  If you’re looking to have this surgery, it’s worth it.  Just find the right surgeon and do your research.

Also, I’ve still been doing paleo for about 3 months now.  It has definitely made a difference in how I look and feel mentally & physically.  I hope to continue to follow the paleo lifestyle 80/20, as it’s been working so far!

Other Hip Update

I’m a bit late on this update, a week late to be exact.

I went to see Dr. Nho in Chicago for my 6 month post op (technically I’m at 8 months now.)  My right hip is really doing great, I don’t even think about it anymore.  My left one (the non-operated hip) has been aching and giving me fits intermittently so I had a MRA done while I was up there.

Unfortunately things weren’t clear cut and my surgeon isn’t knife happy, so he doesn’t want to do surgery unless my pain interferes with my work and everyday activity.  It’s not that bad… yet.  The MRA showed a probable partial tear on the left, but nothing big.  My bone structure is the same on the left as right, so he said there could be some impingement going on.  He did a physical exam on my left hip, twisting & moving it in all sorts of ways.  It produced no pain.  I did receive some numbing medicine along with the dye in my joint, so he doesn’t know if that’s what was effecting it or if I just didn’t have any pain.

Basically, I may or may not have to have surgery on the left hip.  At this point in time, it’s a no.  He said he wants me to continue to strengthen my core and glutes, and if something hurts me don’t do it.

I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic, but this past week I’ve felt really good.  Who knows how long it will last?  I’ve also decided I’m going to try running soon.  My Feldenkrais instructor thinks I will be fine with running, she’s an ultra-marathoner so I trust her judgment.  I figured if I’m going to hurt anyway, I might as well hurt doing what I love.  I will ease into it of course, but I’m excited about it.  I haven’t ran in TWO YEARS.

I had a dream last night that I ran a 5k.  It was a very vivid dream.  I was running against 2 elementary kids and I had this life raft around my neck that was weighing me down.  I finally got rid of it and then the wind was blowing against me, so I was having to claw at the ground ever so often to propel myself forward.  I ended up winning the race, running at a 5 minute pace.  That’s a dream in itself.  Even in my tip top shape there would be no way that would happen.  It was a great dream and I think there’s no need for interpretation there.  I’m ready to move forward and all these things that have been weighing me down need to get lost so I can do so.

I’ve also continued my house hunt. While it is stressful, it’s exciting.

I read a really interesting article the other day, here it is for your viewing pleasure:
Two Year Long Study: Minimalist shoe and increase arch height.

OH and I’ve also failed miserably at the 100 Happy Days thingie, so here are some random pictures of my happiness.
IMG_2922IMG_2920IMG_2840IMG_2774

That Ex of Yours

This is how I view running now:

That ex-boyfriend (running) that you just broke up with.  You ended things on somewhat good terms, but you still feel bitter about the break up.

You see that ex-boyfriend in the park, having a great time without you.
You see that ex-boyfriend with other people (other runners), hanging out without a care in the world.
You see your ex-boyfriend’s best friends in a clothing store (running clothes), they’re nice to you but you know you can’t still be friends with them.
You see your ex-boyfriend with a new girlfriend and all you want to do is break her legs.

One day, you hope to get back with that ex-boyfriend.  You’d rather him not forget about you.  You had a lot of good times together, not everything was perfect, but you made each other happy.  The only thing standing in the way was your bum hip and he resented you for it…

Screen Shot 2013-03-18 at 2.21.10 PMAs you can see, I’m still dealing with my bitterness issues.

Things I Miss About Running

This is just what it is.  A list of things I miss about running.  Those of you who hate running probably will not understand, much like I wouldn’t understand someone who actually misses swimming.

1. Being able to de-stress.
Seriously, it was like having my own personal psychiatrist.
dog

2. Being Fit.
I know that sounds vain, but when I ran all the time, I didn’t really have to worry about gaining weight.  Now the weight just creeps on and I have flabby legs.

3. Buying running clothes, shoes, accessories…
Remember my addiction to Academy?  Well, it’s kind of useless when you are just buying running gear to wear around the house.

4. Running to good music.
I can still listen to music, but it’s different when you are running to the beat of that new song you just downloaded.

5. The Community.
In OKC we actually have a fairly large running community and it’s getting bigger each year.  I miss the runs on Saturday mornings and the evening runs on Thursdays with the groups.

6. Not being resentful.
When I was running, I was happy for other runners.  Now that I’m not running, I find myself resenting people who can run.  Like I said before, I don’t want to be that way, especially since Nicholas is a runner and literally runs every day.  I’m just saying it’s hard to not be bitter sometimes, but bitterness never helped the situation so I’m trying to stop that cycle.

7. Feeling of accomplishment.
I felt great when I would PR in a race or hit a distance that I hadn’t previously done before.  It’s amazing when you can say, “Yeah, I’ve ran 13.1 miles and my time didn’t suck.”

I’m really hoping to get back to running after my hip surgery, that is the ultimate goal.  I don’t have to run a marathon, but getting at least 25 mile weeks in would be great in my eyes.

Here is something funny I found for the runners out there.  Even though I’m bitter that you can run, you deserve to laugh.  I think… 😉 murphy's law

Hippie Issues.

No, this post isn’t really about hippies or the BF. (Just kidding, Nicholas… sort of.)  As many of you know, I continue to have my hip issues that I just cannot figure out.  I’ve gone to many doctors, chiropractors, and massage therapists.  I have NOT gone to any actual hip specialist or had an official X-Ray or MRI done.

Things I’ve tried/do that sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t:
– Icing
– Heating
– Stretching
– Foam Rolling
– Strength Training
– Rest (for 2.5 months)
– Yoga
– A.R.T.
– Chiropractic adjustments
– Massage
– Self massage with a lacrosse ball

The past couple of days after my 4.6 mile “run” my hip has been hurting like crazy, but today it feels better. Stretching the crap out of it helps for a little while and then the pain comes back.  I feel like if it was muscular then it would be okay because of all the stuff I’ve been doing for my muscles?

This issue has been ongoing issue since December last year 2 weeks after my half marathon, 1 day after my relay.

Why haven’t I seen a doctor and got definitive tests?
I’m a nurse, but I don’t have insurance. (I’m a Float Nurse, not considered a Full-Time Nurse)  The doctor visit alone with JUST an X-Ray is $350.   MRIs cost thousands of dollars without insurance.

What exactly are my symptoms?
(not all at the same time, just random from day to day. Not always brought on my running, but worse after running.)
-Pain of an ache, sometimes deep in the front of my right hip just below my hip bone in the crease.
– Pain in my right adductors.
– Pain on the side of my right hip.
– Pain on the left side of my back by my SI joint.
Most of this pain is bearable, I would rate it at a 3 on a 0-10 pain scale.
– Feeling of weakness and instability in my right hip.

What am I going to do?
Until I get insurance, which is sort of in the works, (I can’t get private insurance because of my Crohn’s Disease.), I will keep doing what I’m doing.

I signed up for a half marathon in November. Will I still be able to do it?
The plan is yes, still.  I don’t know how training is going to go, because I don’t want to push it.  I’ve already paid for the hotel and the race, worst case scenario I will just go and watch the BF and my friend Sherrie race.

Why not just go to a physical therapist?
Every physical therapist that I have contacted in Oklahoma has to have a doctor’s referral, I’m not sure if that’s a law or something, but it seems to be the case.

So the plan until I can get insurance is to do what I do, run when I feel okay but listen to my body.  I will most certainly not push it.
I used to LOVE running, but it has become unenjoyable to me because of the pain I get when running and running afterward.  I’d rather not find another hobby though, when my body feels good, running feels like it used to.

When Sucky Runs Attack…

Yesterday I was supposed to run my “long run” for the training week, which was 5 miles.  I started late (about 9am) and ran at the Lake that I frequently visit.

I ran in my new Apaeris Compression Shorts and my new CEP compression calf sleeves (which I will review both at a later date.)  I also brought my Garmin 305, my Hydrafoam amiphod water bottle, and my ipod armband holder.  I was a total running tech nerd girl, I should’ve taken a picture.

The temperature was 84* but the heat index was 96* and the humidity was 57% with no breeze, even by the lake.
Lately, I’ve had more runs that are bad than good and I blame it mainly on my stupid hip and working night shift.

Anyway, I managed 4.6 miles even though 5 miles were planned and this is why my run sucked so so much:
– It was hot and humid.
– I couldn’t catch my breath.
– My hip felt tight (but my adductors felt great!)
– The compression sleeves were wonderful for my calves, however it was hotter than hell so midway through my run I had to stop and take them off.
– I kept sweating into my eyes.
– I got dizzy toward the last mile and walked the rest of the way.
– I was tired.
– I had some serious GI issues going on.

It’s so defeating to me to have runs like this.  I know a lot of people have sucky runs, but when it’s one after the other, especially when it’s a struggle with a bum hip, it makes me question.  I forget why I enjoy running in the first place.  I always get over my depressed mood about it eventually, but I just wish things could go back to normal.  I’m still convinced I have a hip labral tear, something just isn’t right and I can sense it.

Even though I complain a lot (I know I do, it’s something I’m trying to stop doing so much), I like to look at the positives in everything.
Positive points to this run:
– My adductors felt good.
– I had some good music lined up.
– There were a lot of friendly active people out and about.
– I saw a man feed some starving kittens a big bowl of cat food.
– The lake was beautiful.
– I am otherwise healthy and able to get out and do something, it’s better than just sitting on the couch.

How do you get through your tough/crappy runs?  What motivates you to keep going?